I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
