walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
