I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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