fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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