and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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