Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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