I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
