how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
