I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
