the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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