his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
