Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
