Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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