just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
