You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
