Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
