so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
