Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
