Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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