Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
