Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
