You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
