Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it because I queefed?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
