Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can I color on your dick again?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
