she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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