no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
