I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
