Yo dont text me then not text me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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