are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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