i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
