I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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