i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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