on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
