i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
