I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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