she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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