Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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