My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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