Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
