I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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