hotel room ftw
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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