Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
