Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
