the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
