three words: i give head
three words: not that well
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
