thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
