o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
