ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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