my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
