This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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