I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
