Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
try to milk me bitch
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