you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
