maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
