i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
