This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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