Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
