I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
