I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
