Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you remember whose house we're in?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
