We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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