I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
