3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
