peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
