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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw

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• (818): View more from California

  The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Your cat ate my taco.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  . . . I don't have a cat?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.

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