Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
