id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
