I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
