Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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