I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
