u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
