I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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