D3 body, D1 cock
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize