She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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