Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
