I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
