dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
